don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
