What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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