You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
