He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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