I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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