k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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