her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
