she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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