Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's like iHOP with fire
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we're so committed to being not committed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
