Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
