Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
