I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
