I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
