All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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