your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
