I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
