I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
