garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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