I wish i was in the wii world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
