I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
