yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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