Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
