Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
