Jerry, you need to find god
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
