this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
