My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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