So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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