I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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