My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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