i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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