Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
