just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were destined to go to rehab together
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
