Kiss
Puke
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
