Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
