For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
