How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
