I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
