rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
