guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
