Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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