Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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