i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
