i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
