I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
