CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She bit a glass in half.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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