I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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