After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
