I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
