im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
