Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
