That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
