she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
