is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
