so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
