So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
