The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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