No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize