I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
