theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
