your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
