So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
