OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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