I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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