can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
