The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would fuck him just for his dog
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
