Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
