so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize