Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
