A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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