Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
