u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Boobs speak an international language.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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