Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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