Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
