It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
