Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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