I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
