This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize