Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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