Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
