just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
