Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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