my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
