She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
