splinters make it hard to masturbate
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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