Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
