I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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