She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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