yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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