you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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