she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
