But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
