I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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