She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
