after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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