jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
