he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
