Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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