Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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