I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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