is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
